I think that Oklahoma decide that Todd Dodge needed to be welcomed to College Football and know what his opponents at Southlake Carroll felt like each week.

Cal got the revenge that they had been waiting 366 days for.

The Trojans looked like they were practicing more than playing against Idaho.

Week 1 gave us possibly the greatest upset in College Football history and the rest of it went as expected with a few National powers not yet ready for primetime but need to be as they prepare to face Top 25 competition (USC, Texas). 

While Pete Carroll was in the Bay Area attending the service for Bill Walsh (rest in peace), Steve Sarkisian was running the show at practice. Sark says that unlike his predecessor Lane Kiffin, for him to leave USC it would have to be a pretty special coaching opportunity. What, you don’t think the grandfatherly smile of Al Davis or the sophisticated, intellectual fans in silver and black qualify as special? What’s wrong with you, Sark?

Buried in Scott Wolf’s LA Daily News blog today is this item:

As for the 2001 Oregon-USC game, the crowd’s rowdy behavior toward USC players before the game (some would say insulting) left a lasting impression on Carroll for years to come.

Considering Carroll has taken his team to locales like Fayetteville, Arkansas, and Auburn, Alabama, those Duck fans must have been pretty rowdy. What, did they throw patchouli at him?

As fans of snark and sarcasm, we think Jay Mohr is a funny guy. If we actually spent any time away from college football to actually consume popular culture, he might even be one of our favorite comedians. But when he called in to “The Jim Rome Show” yesterday, his effort was more “Paulie” than “Jerry Maguire”:

“I’ve been filming a movie downtown, Jim, at the campus of USC — you know, USC, the home of Los Angeles’s pro football franchise, the Trojans — and let me tell you something: don’t leave the campus. Holy smokes. I got two blocks away from the library, I started looking around for WMDs. It’s amazing down there.”

Very original, that stuff about USC paying their players and having a bad neighborhood. Guess his other great material about the ‘University of Spoiled Children’ and the mascot being named after a condom didn’t make the cut. Oh, and “looking around for WMDs”… sheer brilliance. Timely and topical. Either give us a new crack on USC (really, is there a bigger target in college sports right now?), or stick to your Christopher Walken impression, which, we must admit, is timeless and flawless. Slam Man, you’re better than that. We’re not, but you are.

Sports Illustrated on Campus releases the list you really care about: the mascot rankings. Florida continues its ownership of Ohio State as Albert finishes first, one spot ahead of Brutus Buckeye. Tommy Trojan is fifth, with this curious writeup:

Mr. Ed didn’t have it this good. Quarterback John David Booty is on everybody’s short list for the Heisman, the Trojans enter the season No. 1 in the coaches poll and alum Steven Spielberg is busy at work on the fourth Indiana Jones film (it’s about time). But the Men of Troy take a hit in the rankings for former QB and gossip-column mainstay Matt Leinart’s baby mamma drama.

We think that Spielberg technically went to Cal State Long Beach, but in Troy we’re thrilled to have an icon of his caliber associated with the school. Well, other than that whole A.I. thing.

Trev Alberts, who moved up from ESPN to the big-time that is CSTV, takes on the question of USC’s dominance — and how it might not exist if they played in the SEC — in his latest mailbag:

Remember that USC team, coming off the loss of a Heisman Trophy-winning quarterback named Carson Palmer, had no known quarterback — just some guy named Matt Leinart who had never played before. They walked into Jordan-Hare in the first game of the year, one of the more difficult environments, and soundly defeated the Auburn Tigers.

I think their dominance in the Pac-10 leads some to believe that the Pac-10 is terrible. I don’t think that’s true. Remember, USC lost twice to teams in the conference last year and they throttled Michigan in the Rose Bowl. I think the Pac-10 is better than people think. Clearly the SEC is the best conference. But would it be unfair to say the Pac-10 is second? I don’t think so.

And clearly, Lou Holt ish the greatesht analysht in the hishtory of ESHPN College GameDay, but is it unfair to say that Trev Alberts is second? We have no idea.

LAist blogger Henry David is pumped about the upcoming Bruin football season, proving so by posting this snapshot of the Rose Bowl scoreboard following UCLA’s 13-9 upset of the Trojans. The caption reads, ’13 reasons to love the season.’ Does that mean that a photo of the scoreboard following their 2005 game would read ’66 reasons to love the season?’ or that a photo of the scoreboard following their 2003 game would read ’47 reasons to love the season’ or that a photo of their 2002 game would read ’52 reasons to…’ oh, forget it. We’re not bitter. UCLA earned and deserved their hard-fought win over SC last season. We won’t even stoop to the easy joke and say they went Eric Scott and flat-out stole that victory.

Speaking of coach Scott, he will not be charged following his recent arrest in connection with a residential burglary. We already used up our bad Eric Scott joke for the day, so we’ll just let this one go.

And speaking of shocking losses in Pete Carroll’s career, that USC-Texas Rose Bowl (maybe you’ve heard of it) gets revisited in this Pat Forde column about coaches taking risks. Carroll says that despite the infamous fourth-and-2 call blowing up in the Trojans’ faces, he would do it all over again.

He added, “As for what I wouldn’t do all over again? Pretty much everything we did on defense that night.”

The NCAA has upheld their ban on coaches using text messages to contact potential recruits. So STFU and GBTW.

It could be the end of an era as the Miami Hurricanes may be leaving the Orange Bowl, site of the longest home winning streak in NCAA history. The Bowl really is an utter dump, but let’s just say we have a soft spot for legendary, decrepit old stadiums that are several decades past their prime.

Up the Florida Turnpike from Miami, Terrell Buckley has returned to Florida State. He’ll serve as an assistant and try to bring some of the old-time swagger back to the Seminoles. It’ll be just like old times for Buckley, other than, you know, the occasional 30-0 shutout loss at home.

More news from the “other” USC, as Steve Spurrier says he’s “positive” that South Carolina will revise their admissions process for athletes following his public tirade. Either that, or the Ol’ Ball Coach is “positive” he’ll take a job at a better program and hang 50 on the Gamecocks. Not that Spurrier holds grudges or anything.

Staying with the Seminoles, Chris Rix apparently doesn’t like people making fun of his Champion Training Academy. After Rix politely asked an offending blog to stop making fun of his leadership, the blog refused (shocking, considering that bloggers usually do exactly what they’re told and exist primarily to toe the corporate line), and was then hit with a subpoena.

So let us make this abundantly clear: we are NOT making fun of Chris Rix or his leadership. We would never do such a thing. Ever.

Courtesy of the Notre Dame blog Blue Gray Sky, here is Charlie Weis addressing Derrell Hand being busted for allegedly soliciting a hooker:

“I try not to be overemotional when I get a phone call about anything,” he said. “The first thing I try to do is make sure I have all the facts. The story might be exact or far from the truth. I try not to make a rash or emotional decision. I try to pull myself back and say if Charlie (Jr.) was in this situation, what would I do?”

You’re really gonna have to use your imagination, Charlie, because if there’s one thing we can’t imagine a member of the Weis family doing, it’s allegedly soliciting a hooker. Testifying at a medical malpractice trial, maybe, but not hitting up a lady of the night.

This is technically an NFL story, but since the Arizona Cardinals a) are one of the closest pro franchises to Los Angeles; b) have several Trojans on the roster; and c) have probably been, over the past five years, not nearly as good as the Trojans (see how lazy that joke is, Jay Mohr?), we thought this was newsworthy. New head coach Ken Whisenhunt called off practice and took his team to see a movie instead.

Players had their choice of three movies: The Bourne Ultimatum, Transformers and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. Guard Deuce Lutui saw the Bourne movie, although he joked that his teammates told him it was going to be about food, for some reason.

Good old Deuce. Maybe that’s how The Bourne Ultimatum grossed $70 million in its opening weekend: it had a brilliant marketing campaign. “The Bourne Ultimatum: It’s Going To Be About Food.”

And speaking of opening weekend, a certain intercollegiate sport has its opening weekend in three weeks. But the fun starts even sooner than that.

Twenty days and counting.

The LA Times recaps a contentious practice yesterday in Troy, as Stafon Johnson raised Pete Carroll’s hackles following an impressive run. After Johnson and safety Will Harris got into it, Johnson threw the ball at Harris. Then this happened:

Coach Pete Carroll immediately got into the running back’s face, then halted practice for an expletive-laced speech to the team about avoiding unsportsmanlike-conduct penalties. “It’s so important and such a great issue for the young guys, I had to stop it right there,” Carroll said. “It’s just one of those times you’ve just got to make a statement. I wanted to put my arm around [Johnson], like ‘thanks for the opportunity.’”

Leave it to Carroll to make an expletive-laden rant sound like building sandcastles on the beach.

Looking for an omen when the Trojans head to Tempe to take on Arizona State? How about this one, courtesy of SI on Campus: at halftime of that game, the legendary Chuck Berry will perform with the band… the ASU band. We’d like to suggest a few lyrical modifications the Sun Devils may want to consider: “Roll Over (Hey) Trojans,” “Run Run Rudy (Carpenter)” and “Johnny (David Booty) Be Bad.” (Who did you think was running this blog, Bob Dylan?)

ESPN’s Pat Forde takes a closer look at the Harbaugh v. Michigan academics feud. Reviewing the numbers, Forde finds some evidence that Harbaugh’s verbal jab may not be off-base.

All it takes to see that is a scan of the 2007 Michigan media guide. Only 30 players have listed majors, and 19 of them are pursuing degrees in something called “general studies.” That’s 20 percent of the team, and 63 percent of the players who have declared a major.

Yet a university spokesman said this week that less than 1 percent of the undergraduate student body is in the general studies degree program. The spokesman said there are fewer than 200 general studies students out of an undergrad population of nearly 25,000.

And that’s not all. The other declared degree programs on the football team are: movement science (three players); sports management and communications (two); economics (two); P.E. (one); psychology (one); English (one); and American culture (one). There appears to be one undeclared player enrolled in the business school and another in the college of engineering.

Only one junior has declared a major, according to the guide (in movement science). In 18 years of covering college athletics, I’ve never seen virtually an entire junior class without a major.

For what it’s worth, Pat, there is at least one job that all of the above majors — including general studies and movement science — would qualify these players for: blogger.

Another ESPN college football specialist, Bruce Feldman, unveils his list of the top ten toughest jobs in college football. Here’s one of them:

6. Football Academic Advisor, Akron: Players are creatures of habit with so much of their lives in season being scripted for them. However since the Zips have four games at odd times (two games on Wednesdays and two more on Fridays), this will be a challenge to not miss classes and exams. The routine for most Wednesday night road games for example means the team might have to depart Tuesday afternoon and return home early Thursday morning. Says one coach: “The players would not technically be excused from classes on Thursday, but good luck getting them out of bed.”

Yeah, and good luck dealing with the NCAA when they hear you strayed from the “student-athletes are students first” message.

Speaking of that money-grubbing occasionally fascist organization, an NCAA committee will listen to an appeal of the text messaging ban in recruiting.

“My hope is they will kick it back to the NCAA and form a task force that can come up with a good, solid rule about text messaging,” said Grant Teaff, executive director of the American Football Coaches Association. “I don’t think anyone wants totally open, unabated text messaging. I don’t know a soul who wants that.”

A good solid rule from the NCAA? ROTFLMAO.

One more observation about Stewart Mandel’s “college football royalty” list: much has been made of Les Miles knocking the “real juggernauts” of the Pac-10, but according to Mandel, there is only one Pac-10 school in the “peasant” category: Arizona. The SEC, on the other hand, has three so-called peasants – Vanderbilt, Kentucky, and Mississippi State. We’re not sure what this means, other than the mention of peasantry reminds us of one of the greatest moments in cinematic history.

And speaking of one of those peasants, this may not be the season things turn around at Mississippi State. As Every Day Should Be Saturday reports, MSU coach Sylvester Croom is already frustrated with his team’s performance, and they haven’t even run into the vaunted likes of Maine yet.

“Short conversation, gentlemen. There was nothing good at practice today. Any questions?”

If this keeps up, Croom may have to unleash the bull castration shears.

There’s no easy way to transition from bull castration to Hollywood, because one of those things is vile, disgusting and perverse on every level (and the other is bull castration — hey-o!), but here we go: the poster for the upcoming Will Ferrell comedy “Semi Pro” has been unveiled.

We love Ferrell — after all, who better to play the role of Self-Appointed Ambassador of the University of Southern California — but we think his resume is missing something. He’s done NASCAR, soccer, ice skating and now basketball, but he needs to carve out some time in the prime of his comedic life to pursue his true life calling: starring in a funny college football movie.

In the meantime, we’ll have to fill that empty hole in our own lives with this fact:

Twenty one days and counting.

As the L.A. Daily News’ Scott Wolf reports in his USC blog, there is no bad blood between Pete Carroll and the guy who nearly had Carroll’s job:

Mike Bellotti and Pete Carroll do not hate each other. But there is a spirted rivalry there and it relates as much to USC’s first trip to Eugene in 2001 under Carroll as anything else. So that game will always have a heated atmosphere but the coaches do respect each other and sometimes work together, such as when they agreed last season’s clock rules sucked.

I’m sure another thing they can agree on is that Oregon’s uniforms suck.

Speaking of Oregon, the Ducks are reportedly interested in playing a game against Boise State in China in 2009.

“Quite honestly, it’s very Oregon,” said Jeff Hawkins, UO director of football operations. “You like to be on the edge. You like to be first.”

Embarrassing the Pac-10 on a global scale with those hideous uniforms: yes, that is very Oregon.

And speaking of embarrassments on a global scale…

Former Trojan O.J. Simpson, perhaps most famous for winning the Heisman Trophy in 1968, must give any royalties earned from the new All-Pro Football 2K8 video game to the Goldman family. The game features Simpson suiting up for the Assassins, a team with a knife-wielding mascot. As Johnnie Cochran and EA Sports would have said, “If it’s in the police report, it’s in the game.”

Getting a lot of attention (including on this blog) is the Sports Illustrated poll of starters of all 119 I-A teams. We’re not surprised that Pete Carroll and Urban Meyer were the most popular coaches, but what we want to know is… what about Karl Dorrell? The guy not only beat Carroll last season, but he generously gives known criminals a second chance by putting them on his coaching staff. Now that’s leadership.

Speaking of (alleged) criminals… former Virginia Tech star Michael Vick has the support of fellow QB Donovan McNabb. McNabb says his kinship with Vick dates back to the two of them touring Syracuse together in the mid-1990s. Good thing Vick didn’t go to the ‘Cuse to compete with McNabb: that would have really damaged his pro career.

From the ‘Unspecified reasons’ dept: Pitt’s top recruit, freshman quarterback Pat Bostick, left camp for unspecific personal reasons and it’s not known when he’ll return. And Tennessee tailback LaMarcus Coker, the team’s leading rusher, has been suspended indefinitely for what Phillip Fulmer referred to as an unspecified medical reason. We won’t speculate on those unspecified reasons (cough*homesickness*cough*and*cough*drugsaccordingtothisreport), but we do wish both Bostick and Coker the best, and hope they return to campus soon. Or, if they don’t come back, that at least their reasons are not serious and are very entertaining.

Miami coach Randy Shannon, when asked in a presser about the contributions of Graig Cooper and Javarris James, said this:

“I think Coop did a great job. He brought some some excitement to the team. And he’s a calm guy. He’s not an arrogant or flamboyant guy.” It was going well, then coach goofed. “Believe it or not, he and Javarris James are kind of like butt buddies.”

We knew there was a close-knit family atmosphere at The U, but honestly, that’s a bit much.

We’ll end with cause for optimism: sometimes college football experts actually know what they’re talking about. We know, we’re as surprised as you are. But that’s the only conclusion we can gather after College Football News gathered some of the sport’s truthiest journalists for an expert roundtable.

Among the highlights was Joe Schad discussing the Plus-One:

I understand some of the arguments for leaving the system the way it is. And many of those arguments were laid out for me in a recent conversation with Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany. He notes the importance of preserving the tradition of the Rose Bowl. He notes that with even a four team playoff, up to three teams could be playing up to 14 or 15 games. He notes that even $40 or $50 million split up among the BCS schools does not create the type of financial windfall that make change essential. The bottom line is this: A four team playoff incorporating the current bowls on a rotational basis will appease the appetite of the fans. 1) Ohio State vs. 4) USC and 2) Florida vs. 3) Michigan, quite simply, would have rocked.

And what do you know, Richard Cirminiello concurs:

While the talk of a full-blown, NFL-style playoff is trendy and fun for roundtable discussions, it’s also an overkill remedy for solving the current problems of the BCS. Forget the eight or 16-team playoff, and start dialing your local representatives and college presidents about the plus-one format. The plus-one is so seamless and makes so much sense, it’s absolutely criminal it hasn’t been implemented sooner.

And Dennis Dodd gets right to the point when he discusses what tweaks he’d make to the BCS.

Plus one. See answer number one. Not perfect, but better.

That’s what we say when people ask us why college football is the greatest sport on earth despite its immensely flawed postseason: it’s not perfect, but it’s better.

Twenty two days until it’s MUCH better…

There was a somber tone in Troy as USC began their first workout. The number “19″ was stenciled into both endzones, a tribute to kicker Mario Danelo, who died in January.

“It’s a tribute to somebody that we really miss and that we love. . . . In some ways it’s just a demonstration of his spirit and that he’s with us,” Pete Carroll said.

Nothing like a nice dose of perspective to make everybody calm down about national championships, Heisman trophies and fulfilling Jim Harbaugh’s lofty expectations.

The AOL Sports Fanhouse posted this photo of the highly touted Everson Griffen getting stiff-armed by running back Allen Bradford. Coaches were so impressed with Bradford’s moxie that he may have jumped from #22 to #3 on the depth chart.

ESPN’s Bruce Feldman was there to find out whether Joe McKnight can possibly live up to his Reggie Bush-esque hype. Here’s an excerpt from his report:

Privately, the USC coaches have been giddy about what they’ve heard from some of the upperclassmen regarding McKnight’s performance in summer workout — not to mention the few online clips they’ve seen of him blowing past some talented defenders.

On Monday, McKnight didn’t disappoint as he made several eye-popping runs, juked defenders and blew past guys who thought they had angles on him. A few times he did get popped by defenders and ended up having to pick himself off the grass, but mostly he left defenders grabbing for air.

“He is really shifty,” said Brian Cushing, the Trojans’ standout outside linebacker. “It was impressive to see what he could do out there, but we’ll have to see what happens once we get people in pads and people start getting hit.”

As per the program’s freshman policy, McKnight won’t be available for interviews this week. Asked whether McKnight might have an extra gear that the other Trojan tailbacks don’t, running backs coach Todd McNair just smiled.

“He’s alright,” McNair said laughing. “You saw him out there. I mean it’s early, but maybe he does have that different gear.

“The thing I’m really excited about Joe is he’s such a quick learner. He started picking things up and he’s pressing to go deeper.”

Carroll’s description of McKnight: “Smooth.”

We like “smooth,” but in light of the Reggie Bush allegations, we’re not so sure how we feel about McKnight being called “shifty.”

Sometimes the punch lines write themselves, as in the case of a Florida law school grad (and staff attorney for the state) who has been charged with dealing in stolen property. That stolen property in question? A Florida State national championship trophy. When reached for comment, former Notre Dame head coach and ESPN “analyst” Lou Holtz sprayed, “That’sh fitting becaush the Sheminolesh shtole a shampionship from ush.”

With camps opening all across America, one of the few schools to make as much noise as USC is that of its intersectional rival, Notre Dame. Coach Charlie Weis spoke to his team about the consensus in the national media that the Irish were expected to have a down year.

“He just basically [talked] about the 1-7 comment,” safety Tom Zbikowski said, referring to the prediction ESPN analyst Mark May made for the Irish, who begin with four of six on the road. “It’s kind of hard for the older guys because we’ve been hearing it for three years now … but it still rubs us the wrong way.”

We think the Irish may surprise some of the experts this season, but then again, if you’re going to the ‘Mark May disrespects us’ card on the first day of camp, you may already be in trouble.

From the ‘Because He clearly has nothing better to do’ dept: Weis says God should “strike me dead” if he says the word “rebuilding.” We don’t think He’ll go that far, but if you have another player busted for allegedly soliciting a hooker, He might have to think about it.

When he’s not avoiding the wrath of the Almighty, Weis is busy trying to lock down his depth chart. He says he’s not tipping his hand as to who will start at quarterback in the season opener.

“I certainly don’t want to tell Georgia Tech what I’m doing, because I’d rather they spend more time having to figure out what we’re doing,” Weis said. “Are they going to play a true dropback quarterback? Are they going to play an athletic quarterback? I’m not really in the business of giving out free information.”

He’s also, apparently, not in the business of winning bowl games.

Optimism is in the cool, misty air of the Pacific Northwest, as Weis’s predecessor, Washington coach Ty Willingham, spent the offseason taking care of very important football-related matters. Namely, designing the cover of the Huskies’ media guide.

Willingham said Sunday that he was actually very involved in the creation of the cover — one that depicts a UW football player (complete with face-shield that reflects Husky Stadium back to the viewer) in the foreground, and local attractions in the back — like the Space Needle and Mount Rainier.

“You sit down and gather thoughts on what the team will be or what the challenge is or things about the team, and that gives you some things to play with,” Willingham said of the cover. “The word ‘challenge’ comes to mind. A challenge to climb Mount Rainier, the challenge could be the imenseness of our stadium — all those kinds of things.”

How about ‘the challenge of returning to relevance’?

As Fanblogs reports, Virginia Tech has closed its practices. Frank Beamer says you can blame Georgia for ruining all the fun.

“We practiced out at Georgia Tech and we let all kinds of people through there … people we didn’t really know,” Beamer said. “And I thought it hurt us in the bowl game. I’m not blaming anybody … but I thought Georgia knew exactly what we were doing in several situations.”

Which is a far cry from his own team, which — at various points during that bowl game — clearly had no idea what they were doing.

And here’s the latest in the story that has absolutely no bearing on anything, but will still get an inordinate amount of media attention this season: the trial of college football’s Tonya Harding, Mitch Cozad. The former Northern Colorado backup punter allegedly had his then-girlfriend, Angela Vogel, lie to police to help protect him.

Vogel said: “I did what Mitch told me to, (told officers) that we were together, and I didn’t say we went out for tacos.” Later, she said: “I went back to my dorm room and broke down. I was like, ‘Oh my God, what did I just do?”‘

She said she sought out police on her own to change her story and ran into detectives in the elevator on the way to meet with them. She said the decision to talk again was “kind of mutual.” “They were finding holes in my story, and I said ‘I’m coming clean,”‘ she said.

During cross-examination by defense attorney Joseph “Andy” Gavaldon, Vogel said she got scared when police accused her of being with Cozad on a crosstown trip to Mendoza’s apartment the night of the stabbing.

“They started treating you as a suspect,” Gavaldon said.

“Yes, they did,” she replied.

Prosecutors showed a series of text messages that they said Cozad sent Vogel on Sept. 12 and 13. They included:

– “We were not apart between 8 and 12.”

– “Please be strong for me did u say we got food?”

– “U can stop all of this.”

When the prosecutor asked Vogel if Cozad ever spoke to her about stabbing someone, she said he once asked her, “What would you think would hurt the most, getting hit by a car, getting beat by a baseball bat or getting stabbed?”

“I thought it was very strange,” she said.

So do we, Angela. So do we.

And now the story you’ve all been waiting for: the New York Times’ Ivy League preview. Based on the media straw poll, Yale is the favorite to win college football’s “keepin’ it real” conference. We admit a certain fondness for those Ivy League scores that scroll across the bottom of our screen every Saturday. It’s funny how 40,000 empty seats at the Yale Bowl seems quaint and charming, while 40,000 empty seats at the L.A. Coliseum was a constant source of rage and frustration.

Speaking of which, we wonder how Paul Hackett is doing these days. Oh, wait, no we don’t.

Twenty three days and counting…

The Jim Harbaugh Quote Machine continues to crank out good copy. The latest?

“The most important goal is to earn the right to show we can beat ‘SC. We need to earn that.”

Well, that and earn the right to not lose to UC-Davis.

Big news from the “other” USC, as Gamecocks coach Steve Spurrier ripped his own university. He even hinted that he may leave Columbia if he encounters any more problems with getting his players admitted.

“As long as I’m the coach here, we’re going to take guys that qualify,” Spurrier said. “If not, then I have to go somewhere else because I can’t tell a young man, ‘You’re coming to school here,’ he qualifies, and not do that. And we did that this year.”

He says he had to apologize to two recruits who signed with South Carolina last winter but were denied academic entry.

“In my opinion, I still believe we made a mistake… Hopefully, I truly believe this is the last year this is going to happen, because I can’t operate like that. I can’t operate misleading young men.”

Well, Ball Coach, you clearly misled them into believing they were signing with an SEC title contender, so why stop now?

And forget USC-Notre Dame, we could have just witnessed the beginning of the new defining intersectional college football rivalry: those natural rivals, Wyoming and Syracuse. Just listen to Wyoming coach Joe Glenn discuss the Orange(men):

“I’ve got a new favorite team this season,” Glenn quipped. “Anybody who beats Syracuse.” Glenn cracked a few jokes at the expense of Syracuse, and he’s anything-but-pleased with the cancellation of the return game in a home-and-home series the Cowboys signed with the Orange. “They leave a hole in our 2009 schedule, so if you want to wish bad luck on somebody this year, wish bad luck on Syracuse,” Glenn said. “They signed a contract to come to Laramie and play, and they didn’t honor it so I’m putting all kinds of voodoo on them.”

If you’re starting a garage band and are looking for a name, you could do a whole lot worse than ‘Joe Glenn’s Voodoo.’

From the ‘He’ll have a busy time at Confession’ department: Notre Dame nose tackle/defensive end Derrell Hand was arrested on Thursday for allegedly propositioning a prostitute. But you can understand how this could happen, considering, as the South Bend Tribune writes, “he had not seen action during his first two seasons at ND.”

Former Buckeyes speedster—and lone BCS title game bright spot—Ted Ginn Jr. hasn’t played a down for the Miami Dolphins, but LeBron James has already signed his buddy to a marketing contract. Ginn said, “To do this, not so much for money but to maybe get on a Sprite commercial with LeBron or anything, that’d be fun.” You know what else would be fun? If you don’t turn out like LeBron’s other Buckeye buddy, Maurice Clarett.

The Sea of Red will be missing a little blue this fall. The Lincoln Police Department is looking at cutting civil services to meet its budget, and that could mean fewer police downtown on Nebraska football game days. It shouldn’t be a big problem, though, considering that Lawrence Phillips hasn’t been in town for several years.

His troubles apparently behind him, former prized QB recruit Ryan Perrilloux has been reinstated by LSU coach Les Miles. And Low-Key Lester sounds thrilled:

“It’s hard for me to represent welcoming him back. It’s tough for me to say.”

Wow, we can feel the love from here. Clearly Miles holds Perrilloux in about as high regard as he holds Nick Saban and USC’s conference schedule. So welcome home, Ryan.

Ohio State offensive tackle Kirk Barton is a character: he wasn’t afraid to say in 2004 that Troy Smith should start over Justin Zwick, or to crack open a bottle of champagne and a victory stogie in the locker room after the Buckeyes beat Michigan. And when he leaves Columbus he’ll be looking to channel that personality into the perfect outlet: sports radio.

“I’ve listened to Jim Rome since I was in seventh grade,” Barton said. “I love sports talk radio. Not to sound too corny, but you know how guys go to fantasy camps? They go to Notre Dame or go be with the Boston Red Sox and pay like five grand to get to be a Red Sox player? That’s kind of what I’m like. Kids were listening to Britney Spears and Puff Daddy growing up. I listened to Dan Patrick and Jim Rome. Then I get in front of you guys, and I have to remember I’m Jim Tressel, not Jim Rome. I have to channel him.”

That’s not to say that Coach Sweatervest isn’t, in his own special way, an entertaining and electrifying persona.

After allegedly wielding an AK-47 following a nightclub scuffle in downtown Gainesville, Florida offensive lineman Ronnie Wilson has been given probation. Probation, huh? Apparently you don’t do jail time in Alachua County unless you’re wielding a shoulder-mounted missile launcher or a hand grenade… or you’re not a football player for the defending national champs.

And speaking of discipline problems… Texas has experienced its own spate of offseason arrests and behavior issues. The comprehensive Longhorn blog Burnt Orange Nation does what so many team- and university-devoted blogs don’t: it actually admits that the school has a problem. The ‘Nation calls for Mack Brown and his staff to exercise tighter discipline and to nip the problem in the (increasingly large) bud. That’s a refreshing and accurate take, and something we could use more of in places like Gainesville and, frankly, central Los Angeles.

But hey, it could be worse: at least you’re not a high profile Catholic university that prides itself on its moral fiber but just saw your defensive end busted for allegedly soliciting a hooker.

We’ll end today’s roundup with another annual sign that college football season is just around the corner: ESPN’s Mark Schlabach just unveiled his “What’s hot (and not) for 2007″ column. At the top of the “Hot” list is USC, and here are Schlabach’s reasons why:

Heisman Trophy candidate John David Booty. Prep All-America running backs stacked up like club sandwiches. The best defense in the country. And of course, the Song Girls. Maybe Stanford coach Jim Harbaugh wasn’t exaggerating when he called the Trojans the best team in college football — ever.

And we’re not exaggering when we say that we can’t wait for the season to get here.

Twenty four days and counting…

Most of the major preseason polls have closed, and with 97% of precincts reporting, we can report that USC is getting a little bit of attention. They top both the College Football News poll and the USA Today coaches poll. That should be good news for Trojan fans, but America’s Newspaper puts it into perspective for us.

The last five preseason number one teams in the USA Today poll have made the BCS title game. But their combined record is 1-4, with USC winning in 2004.

In a related story, MSNBC’s Mike Celizic says Pete Carroll could the next Knute Rockne. Jeez, why does Carroll continue to fly under the radar? The sport’s best-kept secret, that guy.

Speaking of legendary coaches who should be mentioned in the same breath as Rockne, the still-fiery Joe Paterno says he has no plans to retire. And who can blame Joe Pa? He’s just discovered how much fun it can be to coach from the press box.

“You can see so much more, you can do things,” he told reporters, according to the Post-Gazette. “I tried not to interfere with the guys upstairs because they know what they’re doing. But, every once in awhile, I’d drop a little note to them and say, ‘Hope to get this,’ or ‘That corner’s playing awfully tight.’

“You’re really a cheerleader most of the time down on the sideline. … I enjoyed being upstairs, I really did. I sat down, had a nice time, had a cup of coffee. I felt like a newspaper guy. I was even able to watch television.”

If Joe Pa’s plan to have his players clean Beaver Stadium every Sunday didn’t have them shaking in their sweatervests in Columbus and angst-ridden in Ann Arbor, these latest comments no doubt strike fear in the hearts of the Big Eleven. The thought of Paterno sitting eight hundred feet from the field, having a nice time, drinking a cup of coffee, watching TV, means Penn State is nowhere near irrelevant.

The LSU Tigers have pulled off quite a coup, swiping an athletic beast from Indiana. I mean, this latest addition to the program is an absolute man-eater, a stone-cold killer. That’s right: a new Bengal tiger. The latest Mike the Tiger will arrive from an Indiana state facility called Great Cats. Les Miles would no doubt prefer a Southern tiger because everyone knows the Southern cats are much tougher, but he’s at least content with the fact that the new tiger isn’t coming from the wussy West Coast.

Texas DT Andre Jones is being sought by police for questioning in last week’s aggravated assault in Austin. Should have just settled things like a man: by throwing a water balloon.

In preparation for the Olympics, Beijing police are threatening to arrest fans who swear at a soccer match this weekend in the capitol.

“It is just way out of line to have 30,000 people shouting and swearing en masse,” police spokesman Liu Chunjiang was quoted as saying.

The spokesman is right: 30,000 people shouting and swearing is embarrassing. I mean, only 30,000? Those fans clearly have a lot to learn from the majesty that is 90,000 college football fans shouting and swearing en masse.

The Northern Colorado punter allegedly stabbed by his depth chart rival once considered sharing an apartment with his alleged attacker. That would be like Single White Female. Only with two dudes. And a football. And a shank. And a tiny program nobody has heard of.

With wide receiver Andrew Norman transferring from Arkansas, only one of the heralded ‘Springdale Four’ remains in Fayetteville. Despite this complete implosion of one of the most vaunted recruiting classes ever, we still say that the pressure-packed recruitment of 18-year-old kids upon whose shoulders universities’ profile and athletic revenues will ultimately reside, remains an exact science.

Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops says players’ last names will return to Sooners jerseys. Since Miami is now removing player names from their jerseys, when the Sooners and Canes meet on September 8 why don’t they just switch jerseys?

Alabama’s Tyrone Prothro has taken a medical scholarship, which sadly means his playing days are most likely finished. That’s the bad news. The good news is, Prothro will most likely retire knowing he made of the most ridiculous catches ever. It doesn’t beat an SEC title or a BCS ring, but it’s something. Something cool.

We’d like to thank the always entertaining Every Day Should Be Saturday for calling our attention to Mike Leach’s outstanding performance at Big 12 Media Day.

“It’s very savage to play in Lubbock,” Leach said. “I would recommend that everybody try to avoid it. There have been scalpings and there have been some people that quite just haven’t returned.

“There are some people, unfortunately, based on the way the conference goes, that are going to have to come to our place. Sadly, I can’t guarantee their safety or that things will necessarily go the way that they like.”

Why do we get the impression that that would be true in Lubbock even if they didn’t have a football team there?

We’ll end on a serious note. You can forget about USC trying to go wire-to-wire, or Darren McFadden trying to get that Heisman, or the Gators trying to repeat. The story of the season is life trying to return to normal in Blacksburg, Virginia. After one of the most trying offseasons in the history of the sport, the Virginia Tech Hokies returned to practice yesterday. Hokies QB Sean Glennon said it best:

“I think it’s a relief,” Glennon said. “We’ve been asked so many questions. There’s been so much media attention. ‘When are you going to get back out there?’ Now it’s good to have all these questions behind us. Just to be back out here and to be with my teammates. It feels good to be out here throwing the football around. I missed it.”

So did we, Sean.

27 days until kickoff…

Ivan Maisel reports that USC does not encourage freshmen “going Booty” and enrolling early on campus. Offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian thinks that instead of burying themselves in the Trojan playbook, 17- and 18-year-olds’ priorities should lie elsewhere:

“I think your senior year of high school, that time of your life, enjoy it,” Sarkisian said. “Go to prom. Go to winter formal. Play baseball, whatever you do.”

He added, “You’ll ride the pine like Booty did, but yeah, follow your heart, enjoy those high school girls, do whatever you want, we don’t care. Slacker.”

After talk that the storied rivalry would take a hiatus, Michigan-Notre Dame will remain on the schedule through 2031, by which point the Irish would have finally paid off Charlie Weis’s extension and the Big House will have a capacity of 465,000.

Thanks to Fanblogs for bring to our attention the lofty goals Randy Shannon has set for his first season at Miami. They may have taken the last names off the Hurricanes’ jerseys and banned guns from the program, but Luther Campbell is back and they’re aiming for the big prize in Coral Gables.

”We’ve made a commitment to get it done . . .,” Shannon said. “This team is enthusiastic. We’re excited. With you guys coming on like you did today, this is going to be a great year, where all we’re thinking about are championships — not ACC championships, the national championship!”

We won’t know they’re really serious about restoring tradition to The U until they show up wearing combat fatigues.

Indiana tight end Blake Powers was busted for hitting a cop with a water balloon. He came to Bloomington as a QB but switched to tight end, and after this showcase of accuracy, look for the Hoosiers to return him to his original position.

And on to the Les Miles segment of the program…

The good news for LSU is that they’re the overwhelming favorite to win the SEC. The bad news, as Scooter Hobbs of the Lake Charles American Press points out, is that the favorite never wins the conference. Did LSU just get the kiss of death? It’s a good thing Les Miles is a mild-mannered guy who takes things in stride and never shoots off his mouth, otherwise he’d have some choice words for those voters.

Not everybody down south is convinced that Lester will bring another SEC banner home to Baton Rouge. Columnist Stephen Dawkins of the Clanton (Alabama) Advertiser thinks they have one obvious weakness.

L.S.U.’s biggest liability is their head coach. Les Miles has recruited lots of good players during his two-year tenure, but my dog, Lucy, would probably have some success in this area as well because of the number of prospects in the state of Louisiana who have only one choice if they want to stay in the state and go to a college with a major football program. Also, despite having the conference’s best array of talent during his stay, Miles has found a way to lose two games each of his seasons in Baton Rouge.

Not that a columnist from the state of Alabama would be biased in any way toward LSU.

You may have heard some not-so-flattering comments Miles made about Alabama a few months back. He feels really bad about that:

“At the end of a recruiting season when there was some hearsay and innuendo, I had an emotional reaction,” Miles said. “I regret any choice of words that I made. I am in no way trying to be derogatory towards Alabama. I look forward to competing with Alabama and their head coach.”

He’s not done backpeddlin,’ though. He says he was just showing his SEC pride when he took a shot at the “juggernauts” of the Pac-10:

“I don’t feel like I called out USC in any way,” he said. “I was just sticking up for the quality of the SEC. I just think it’s easier to [get to the BCS championship] from a conference that does not have a championship game.”

In all seriousness, Miles is one of the most entertaining coaches in the game, one of the few who actually speaks his mind. Just imagine what he’d say if he actually won his conference, or even the national championship. His head would probably explode… and still find a way to talk trash.

The alleged burglary saga of UCLA receivers coach Eric Scott continues, as his attorney Milton Grimes says he wasn’t involved in any crime.

Grimes said Scott, wearing a UCLA sweatshirt and shower shoes, was in the car, parked “two doors down” because of crowded parking on that part of Pioneer Boulevard, while he waited for two others, Jesus DeAlba and Timothy Williams, both of whom were also arrested.

How very L.A.: even alleged robbers have trouble finding a parking spot. Too bad they shut down that UCLA handicapped parking placard cartel.

And finally…

Staying with our friends in Westwood, we bring you this immensely entertaining SI profile of UCLA’s star basketball recruit Kevin Love. Reading the story we couldn’t imagine what would have convinced him to go to UCLA. Maybe it’s the beaches?

“I’ve never been to Malibu before,” admits Love, the nation’s best high school basketball player and newest member of the UCLA Bruins. “It’s an amazing beach this house is crazy. The sunshine is great, the food is great, the women are great, everything is great right now .”

Or maybe it’s the proximity to Hollywood?

His first taste of the off-the-court limelight came a couple weeks ago when he walked the red carpet at the ESPYS, posed for photographers and talked to reporters who asked him the obligatory “who are you wearing” questions after he had been named the Gatorade national high school athlete of the year.”… “Walking the red carpet and experiencing what that was really a shock for the first time, but I think I could get used to that,” he said. “It was a lot of fun going out there and meeting different stars. I got to meet Candace Parker. She’s very fine, very good looking. The women there were great.”

He gets in a nice jab at Matt Leinart, but maybe it was the chance to follow in Leinart’s footsteps and excel in the nation’s number one college sports media market?

His comfort level around celebrities in these plush settings almost resembles that of a certain USC Trojan that once ruled this town. “Hopefully I could do it big like Matt Leinart but not get in trouble with my girlfriend like he did,” said Love. “I’ll take what he got. As far as that goes, I’m going to take whatever comes to me and see what happens. The women out here are very nice, there’s a lot to choose from.”

Memo to Steve Sarkisian: maybe those high school kids willing to bypass prom aren’t coming out to L.A. early just to learn your playbook.

Twenty nine days until the season begins…