UCLA coach Rick Neuheisel has measured up to USC coach Pete Carroll. The Trojans’ 14 losses over the course of Carroll’s seven-plus seasons have been by a total of 59 points. The Bruins needed only one 59-point loss for Neuheisel to tie Carroll.

He should be catching up on total losses here pretty soon as well.

The makers of these odds have clearly taken the “Stun Factor” into consideration. That’s my coinage for the strange spell that settles on USC’s early-season, non-conference opponents. It explains why quality teams with terrific athletes come into these September epics looking to make a statement, but end up looking like dynamited fish, belly-up and wondering what concussive force just rocked their world in yet another Trojans rout.

A brief history of the Stun Factor: In 2003, the Trojans dispensed with Auburn, BYU and Hawaii by the combined score of 109-50. A year later, Va. Tech, Colorado St. and BYU were outscored by the men of Troy, 115-23.

And then things got really ugly for ‘SC’s early-season cultural-exchange partners. Recall the Leinart, Bush and White-led vivisections of Hawaii (63-17) and Arkansas (70-17) in ’05. So morale-killing was the latter beatdown that it was likened by Reggie Herring, then the Razorbacks’ defensive coordinator, to “having your dog run over, your wife left you and your house burned down.” So when the Trojans hung only half a hundred on Herring & Co. the following season, Arkansas’ sports info office celebrated the “vast improvement” of the defense, which had yielded a stingy 472 total yards (down from 736!) If only Arkansas had played the Trojans a couple more times, the Hogs would’ve held them to negative yardage!

Then he offers a plausible explanation for why SC has performed so well against early-season opponents—and why they’ve stumbled against lesser foes.

What Small didn’t discern, and I don’t blame him, was the method to this madness. In the end, says Carroll, the ritual is about trust. “The preparation [for the upcoming opponent] is done. We want them to trust that everything’s OK, that we got everything right. There’s no need to be all uptight or afraid of making mistakes, cause that part’s done. Now it’s time to go out, relax, have a little fun, play a little Trojanball.”

This explains, for me, why the Trojans under Carroll have been so adept at taking the pressure that attends huge games, national games, and making it their ally. The bigger the stage, the better they play.

Their problem is the converse: The smaller the stage, the greater the likelihood that the Trojans get caught sleepwalking, as happened against Oregon St. in ’06 and Stanford last season.

Hopefully this’ll hold true against OSU but not against, say, Washington.

The buzz: Carroll has made USC arguably the premier program in the nation. Carroll’s 76-14 record in eight seasons gives him the best winning percentage of any Division I coach with at least five years’ experience. He has won 74 of his past 83 games along with a share of two national titles and a record six consecutive Pac-10 championships.

But wait—here’s a list that puts Carroll at #2.

2. Pete Carroll : USC : Talk about tough. How hard is it to put this guy into the 2 slot? Easily the most respected team in the country amongst his coaching brethren, year in and year out. Pete has built an absoulute MONSTER in South California since his arrival 8 years ago. In his 7 years as head coach, the Trojans are merely 76-14. And that includes his 1st year with a 6-6 record with a very poor team. Take away the 1st year dagger, and Pete is 70-8 over 6 years. He also has 2 National Titles to claim (although LSU fans will debate that). Since his 2nd year in LA, Pete has held the Trojans as serious National Contenders in EVERY SINGLE YEAR. Bar none. His recruiting has been 2nd to none. His coaching, could be questioned, but I don’t know that I could. The absolute talent that he has brought into LA is unquestioned. Simply the best of the best in the country.

So who’s #1, and why? Jim Tressel, because

Pete’s record at USC may look to be more impressive, but his legacy has some certain conspiracy rivaled around it right now as well. Mr. Tressel has no contenders to the cleanest and best run program in the nation right now. NONE. Sure, he has had his few stragglers, but for the large part, “The Vest” has brought in solid young men who want to play football and get an education at the same time. That has to be respected.

There you have it. I’m not sure what it means that Pete’s legacy has some certain conspiracy rivaled around it, but whatever it means, it was enough to knock him from the top spot. That and the academics, apparently, even though USC’’s program has a higher graduation rate.

A few years ago, ESPN created the perfect drug for the general college football degenerate: College Gameday Live, a once-a-week quality-produced show that is not only insightful but also entertaining. Needless to say, I quickly became a regular weekend user. But after growing accustomed to the euphoria of this early Saturday morning show, it would take months for me to come down and re-enter normal civilian life. I considered this a good thing. A once-a-week user. It didn’t affect my life negatively and I could only convince myself of the positives. I’ve now realized it was only a gateway.

The geniuses at ESPN, knowing my addiction, decided to street College Football Live—the crack to College Gameday Live’s cocaine. They have helmet contests and sound offs. They rotate anchors, giving any columnist who has ever written an article in a major publication a chance to give his thoughts on why the grass (actual grass, not the mary jane) in Florida seems to blow out as many ACLs as Joe Pa does birthday candles, along side an over-hyped, overrated College player who never did anything at the next level, so he can say things like “Well, when I played” or “Back when my coach [fill in the blank]”. Every day, some player that’s in line to be placed on the mantle of over-hyped tell us he and his team are going to take it one game at a time.

But here’s the catch, the thing about crack: I can’t stop watching it. I watch it nightly as soon as I get home, like a jonesin’ junkie. I need to watch FSU beat USC in a helmet on-line vote off. (Really? It doesn’t help that it airs when we’re still at work and they’re already a few drinks past happy hour.) I need to watch unwatchable Sound Off smack running videos. I need it until College Gameday Live returns in three weeks (and even then I’ll still probably watch). I simply need it.

Please—if anyone has any good cures for getting me off this crap until the good pure rush of College Gameday Live returns, I’ll gladly take it.

Please feel free to post suggested cures in the comments.

The record speaks for itself. The Trojans:

• Own 11 national titles in five different decades.
• Own the highest all-time winning percentage vs. NCAA opponents of any conference (.704). That percentage ranks seventh among all Division I schools.
• Own a winning record vs. every Pac-10 team, ranging from 55-8-4 (Washington State) to 42-28-7 (UCLA).
• Own a winning record vs. every other BCS conference, including a 17-10-1 mark vs. the SEC.
• Own a 30-16 record in bowl games (.652). Those 30 wins rank second all-time to Alabama, which has 31.
• Own seven wins over No. 1-ranked teams, second only to Notre Dame’s eight.

History? It’s not just one great coach; it’s four: Howard Jones, John McKay, John Robinson and Pete Carroll.

Clutch teams also produce clutch performers: Seven Heisman Trophy winners.

And so on. Anyway, if nothing else it’s nice to have that edge over the SEC.

* Aug. 30: USC opens season at Virginia.

Last time Trojans opened against a Virginia team on the road (2004 vs. Virginia Tech) they finished 13-0 and won the only Bowl Championship Series title of the Pete Carroll “dynasty.”

Those quotation marks seem a bit unnecessary, but maybe that’s just us.

[T]he shiny, new-car feel to this rivalry needs no clarification.

College football around here hasn’t felt this much preseason sizzle in years. College football around here has become bigger than one team, bigger than one coach, as big as it’s been since before Toledo was holy.

It’s become pressure squared, drama doubled, a story of two teams fighting different fights but, for the first time in a long time, staring mostly at each other.

but not quite as stoked on the Bruins’ chances to make a splash in the Pac-10.

When asked about his quarterback, Neuheisel asked esteemed veteran Associated Press scribe John Nadel whether he had any eligibility remaining.

We have to stay healthy, Neuheisel said.

Yeah, in which case they might win half of their games.

There’s also the annual talk about how This could be the best defense USC has ever had, X number of the backups at position Y could start for most teams in the country, etc. Given recent history, I think we’ll just wait and see about all that.

1. Pete Carroll, Southern California

Yep. It’s Pete. If OSU dominates the Big-10, I don’t think they’ve invented a name for what Carroll and USC does to their conference. Obliterate, maybe? The way he’s going, by the time he’s retired, they’ll have to fit his toes for Rose Bowl Rings / Pac-10 Champion Rings, because he won’t have any fingers left!

While the fact that he ran a loose ship for many years that appears to have led to some player-agent contact kind of makes me nervous about Carroll, it looks as if he’s made the sidelines and locker room off-limits to those slime balls and they have to get to the players to give them money the way agents do at every other school: through the boosters!

Seriously though, it’s hard not to respect what Carroll has accomplished at USC. The program was absolutely dormant before he came along, and now he’s the coach with the definition of a reloading roster. His team recruits itself. He wouldn’t have to work too hard if he didn’t want to, but he does. I know the departing Pac-10 Commish didn’t mind the dominance of USC. It provided him with a lot of security and a lot of money for the conference.

All the man does is win football games, and he just happens to win more of them, more often, than any other coach in college football. He owns the best winning percentage of any coach in college football, and he’s done it in what has been the second or third toughest conference in college football year in and year out. His teams always play a decent out of conference schedule (well, accept Notre Lame), and his bowl record is outstanding (5-2 … hey, just as good as Mark Richt’s!), but what is more outstanding is that he’s been to 6 straight BCS Bowl Games, yes, SIX STRAIGHT BCS Bowls in his seven year career.

Unlike Bobby Bowden, Carroll survived the departure of his offensive coordinator whom many thought was mainly responsible for his success and proved that no, Carroll is responsible for Carroll’s success. Without Norm Chow, USC has kept rolling along, obliterating the Pac-10 and destroying Rose Bowl opponents.

Any list of coaches without Carroll at the top is an illegitimate list, and that’s a fact. It’s science. It can’t be argued with.

We’d also like to point out, as we have before, that in addition to the six consecutive BCS appearances, Carroll and the Trojans also have six consecutive seasons of 11 wins or more. That’s never been done before.