Tonight: The Battle of the Techs, with the lovely Erin Andrews on the sidelines. I might watch, since there’s nothing else sports-related on television, but these two teams are seriously dull.

Saturday:

• Early Games: Wisconsin at Ohio State on the Big Ten Network (noon Eastern). For those of you without DirecTV enjoy not seeing this game—meanwhile, I will try and watch on mute as Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis suck. FOX and the BTN should fire them now.
• A little Nebraska at Kansas (12:30 Eastern, FSN) should be interesting, if only to see how Mangino looks in his TENT sweatshirt and how Nebraska responds to playing without Sam Keller.
• Navy at ND (2:30 Eastern, NBC). Will the streak end, or can Charlie the Weis make it 44 in a row against the Middies? If I wasn’t going to be in LA for SC’s homecoming, I would probably see how this one goes.
• Late afternoon: none of the 3:30 Eastern kicks are exciting, so you’ll just have to wait until 5:00pm for the Saban Bowl. LSU will be fired up, but since Les Miles is still on their sideline, I like Alabama’s chances if they can keep it close into the 4th quarter.
• Story of the week: ESPN worked it out with the Pac-10 and FSN to broadcast the ASU/Oregon game to the rest of the country (6:45pm Eastern). Bonus points because Gameday will be there, even if they are making Herbstreit fly to Boston after the show instead of trading him for Blackledge. Maybe Herbie hates Mike Patrick as much as the rest of us do? Dennis Dixon for Heisman can take another huge step forward here.
• Finally, the ABC regional games at 8pm are not great, but most of America will get to see if BC can beat FSU at home.

1  USC at Notre Dame            20-Oct       $409          1        $379
2  Ohio State at Michigan       17-Nov       $408          3        $876
3  Oklahoma vs. Texas            6-Oct       $400          2        $419
4  UCLA at USC                   1-Dec       $312          4        $172
5  Tennessee at Alabama         20-Oct       $238          5        $181
6  Georgia at Florida           27-Oct       $274          7        $284
7  Texas at Texas A&M           23-Nov       $268          6        $233
8  Alabama at Auburn            24-Nov       $373          8        $321
9  Tennessee at Florida         15-Sep       $248          9        $180
10 Michigan at Michigan State    3-Nov       $218         11        $193
11 Notre Dame at Purdue         29-Sep       $105         10        $281
12 Arkansas at LSU              23-Nov       $128         12        $226
13 California at Stanford        1-Dec       $118         13        $ 77
14 Miami at Florida State       20-Oct       $113         14        $137
15 Army/Navy Game                1-Dec       $285         16        $150
16 Florida State at Florida     24-Nov       $401         15        $195
17 Georgia at Georgia Tech      24-Nov       $156         17        $161
18 Oklahoma State at Oklahoma   24-Nov       $160         19        $228
19 Pittsburgh at West Virginia   1-Dec       $139         18        $ 87
20 Oregon State at Oregon        1-Dec       $170         20        $173
21 Clemson at South Carolina    24-Nov       $414         21        $282
22 Virginia Tech at Virginia    24-Nov       $191         23        $147
23 Iowa at Iowa State           15-Sep       $122         22        $218
24 Arizona at Arizona State      1-Dec       $ 80         24        $ 69
25 Purdue at Indiana            17-Nov       $ 77         25        $ 59

Granted, this is a fairly useless ranking, as it only uses gross dollar volume of tickets sold through StubHub. But it’s interesting nonetheless. Also, it looks like the Washington schools didn’t make the cut.

George P. Burdell is a fictitious student officially enrolled at Georgia Tech in 1927 as a practical joke. Since then, he has received several degrees, served in the military, gotten married, served on MAD Magazine’s Board of Directors, and been involved in many other things. Burdell at one point even led the online poll for Time’s 2001 Person of the Year award. He has evolved into an important and infamous campus tradition; all Georgia Tech students learn about him at orientation.

Someone should create a fictitious student and enroll him at USC so he can receive degrees and do those other things. Be advised, though: this student can’t be named Tom E. Trojan, because that’s an actual person.

• First, Parrish Alford, of the NE Mississippi Daily Journal, still thinks Louisville is #13 while Kentucky is #24. (And here I could’ve sworn that I saw Kentucky score at will against the Cards D on Saturday night and beat them 40-34.)
• Second, there is Aditi Kinkhabwala, of the Bergen (NJ) Record, who has 5 Big East teams in the Top 25—including Rutgers, who hasn’t played anyone, at #9.
• Third, Wayne Phillips, of The Greeneville (TN) Sun, has Louisville #16 and Kentucky unranked; he also has UCLA and Georgia Tech still ranked after their craptacular performances on Saturday.
• Fourth and finally we give you Jon Wilner, of the San Jose (Calif.) Mercury News, who ranks South Carolina #4 (WTF), Alabama at #6 (again, WTF), and has Georgia Tech at #25 and Kentucky unranked.

In other news, apparently the Associated Press doesn’t really care that USC SID Tim Tessalone has asked that we not be referred to as “Southern Cal.” [page 2, bottom right]

• College Gameday: live from Lincoln, Nebraska, 10:00 AM EDT (Fowler/Herbstreit and the other two)
• No. 5 Florida (2-0) vs. No. 22 Tennessee (1-1), 3:30 PM EDT, CBS (Lundquist/Danielson); Florida -8
• No. 10 Ohio State (2-0) at Washington (2-0), 3:30 PM EDT, ESPN (Franklin/Cunningham); Ohio State -4
• No. 16 Arkansas (1-0) at Alabama (2-0), 6:45 PM EDT, ESPN (Patrick/Blackledge); Alabama -3
• No. 9 Louisville (2-0) at Kentucky (2-0) 7:30 PM EDT, ESPN Classic (Collins/Curry); Louisville -6.5
• No. 21 Boston College (2-0) at No. 15 Georgia Tech (2-0), 8:00 PM EDT, ESPN2 (Jones/Davie); Georgia Tech -6.5
• No. 1 USC (1-0) at No. 14 Nebraska (2-0), 8:00 PM EDT, ABC (Musburger/Herbstreit); USC -10

Please plan your Saturday accordingly.

Here are the highlights:

• Tomorrow, ESPN begins to completely whip our ass with the 25-hour pregame nightmare.
• Then we get LSU and Miss St with Fowler, Flutie, and James (are you kidding me that we have to put up with Craig James in the booth now?), and the lovely Erin Andrews.
• On Friday, just watch baseball—Washington at Syracuse might be unlistenable with Colin Cowherd in the booth.
• Best games on Saturday:
  • Georgia Tech at ND
  • Oklahoma St at Georgia
  • UCLA at Stanford (if you can ignore the awful FSN whiteout effect)
  • Tennessee at Cal (BRENT and the Musburger Drinking Game)

P.S. Early Saturday will be very Virginia Tech intensive on the Worldwide Leader.

Oklahoma still doesn’t have a starting QB. I think that Oklahoma is playing this situation as safely as it can because they have seen teams win the national title with caretaker QB’s (Krenzel 2002).

The Sooners are expected to be in the national preseason top 10 in spite of the quarterback uncertainty, largely because they have experience at most every other offensive position.

Whoever wins the quarterback job, Kelly said, will have “a security blanket, knowing that everybody around him has played football and made a boatload of plays. That will make the job a lot easier.”

UCLA gives WR coach back his job. Even setting aside our strong opinions about UCLA, this guy should not be representing any university.

“I am sorry for any embarrassment I have caused the football team, the athletic program, and the University,” Scott said in a statement. “I am grateful to Coach Dorrell and the UCLA administration for allowing me to resume my position.”

Scott has a criminal record, admitting guilt to separate misdemeanor concealed weapons charges in 1996 and 2005, and misdemeanor disturbing the peace in 2002. UCLA athletic director Dan Guerrero has said the athletic department was unaware of that when Scott was hired.

Arkansas’ season is over. Darren McFadden’s mom announced that Darren will be done with college football after this season. When the star player announces it’s over before the season starts you know that 4-8 is not far behind for the Razorbacks. Adios, Coach Nutt.

Georgia Tech had a fight at practice. Apparently the offensive players really do respect the “no-contact” jersey. Quarterbacks are still football players right?

Finally, it looks like Lane Kiffin already misses USC. I am sure that originality is not a prerequisite for Raider Nation since all has been wearing the same jumpsuits for 30 years.

There was a somber tone in Troy as USC began their first workout. The number “19″ was stenciled into both endzones, a tribute to kicker Mario Danelo, who died in January.

“It’s a tribute to somebody that we really miss and that we love. . . . In some ways it’s just a demonstration of his spirit and that he’s with us,” Pete Carroll said.

Nothing like a nice dose of perspective to make everybody calm down about national championships, Heisman trophies and fulfilling Jim Harbaugh’s lofty expectations.

The AOL Sports Fanhouse posted this photo of the highly touted Everson Griffen getting stiff-armed by running back Allen Bradford. Coaches were so impressed with Bradford’s moxie that he may have jumped from #22 to #3 on the depth chart.

ESPN’s Bruce Feldman was there to find out whether Joe McKnight can possibly live up to his Reggie Bush-esque hype. Here’s an excerpt from his report:

Privately, the USC coaches have been giddy about what they’ve heard from some of the upperclassmen regarding McKnight’s performance in summer workout — not to mention the few online clips they’ve seen of him blowing past some talented defenders.

On Monday, McKnight didn’t disappoint as he made several eye-popping runs, juked defenders and blew past guys who thought they had angles on him. A few times he did get popped by defenders and ended up having to pick himself off the grass, but mostly he left defenders grabbing for air.

“He is really shifty,” said Brian Cushing, the Trojans’ standout outside linebacker. “It was impressive to see what he could do out there, but we’ll have to see what happens once we get people in pads and people start getting hit.”

As per the program’s freshman policy, McKnight won’t be available for interviews this week. Asked whether McKnight might have an extra gear that the other Trojan tailbacks don’t, running backs coach Todd McNair just smiled.

“He’s alright,” McNair said laughing. “You saw him out there. I mean it’s early, but maybe he does have that different gear.

“The thing I’m really excited about Joe is he’s such a quick learner. He started picking things up and he’s pressing to go deeper.”

Carroll’s description of McKnight: “Smooth.”

We like “smooth,” but in light of the Reggie Bush allegations, we’re not so sure how we feel about McKnight being called “shifty.”

Sometimes the punch lines write themselves, as in the case of a Florida law school grad (and staff attorney for the state) who has been charged with dealing in stolen property. That stolen property in question? A Florida State national championship trophy. When reached for comment, former Notre Dame head coach and ESPN “analyst” Lou Holtz sprayed, “That’sh fitting becaush the Sheminolesh shtole a shampionship from ush.”

With camps opening all across America, one of the few schools to make as much noise as USC is that of its intersectional rival, Notre Dame. Coach Charlie Weis spoke to his team about the consensus in the national media that the Irish were expected to have a down year.

“He just basically [talked] about the 1-7 comment,” safety Tom Zbikowski said, referring to the prediction ESPN analyst Mark May made for the Irish, who begin with four of six on the road. “It’s kind of hard for the older guys because we’ve been hearing it for three years now … but it still rubs us the wrong way.”

We think the Irish may surprise some of the experts this season, but then again, if you’re going to the ‘Mark May disrespects us’ card on the first day of camp, you may already be in trouble.

From the ‘Because He clearly has nothing better to do’ dept: Weis says God should “strike me dead” if he says the word “rebuilding.” We don’t think He’ll go that far, but if you have another player busted for allegedly soliciting a hooker, He might have to think about it.

When he’s not avoiding the wrath of the Almighty, Weis is busy trying to lock down his depth chart. He says he’s not tipping his hand as to who will start at quarterback in the season opener.

“I certainly don’t want to tell Georgia Tech what I’m doing, because I’d rather they spend more time having to figure out what we’re doing,” Weis said. “Are they going to play a true dropback quarterback? Are they going to play an athletic quarterback? I’m not really in the business of giving out free information.”

He’s also, apparently, not in the business of winning bowl games.

Optimism is in the cool, misty air of the Pacific Northwest, as Weis’s predecessor, Washington coach Ty Willingham, spent the offseason taking care of very important football-related matters. Namely, designing the cover of the Huskies’ media guide.

Willingham said Sunday that he was actually very involved in the creation of the cover — one that depicts a UW football player (complete with face-shield that reflects Husky Stadium back to the viewer) in the foreground, and local attractions in the back — like the Space Needle and Mount Rainier.

“You sit down and gather thoughts on what the team will be or what the challenge is or things about the team, and that gives you some things to play with,” Willingham said of the cover. “The word ‘challenge’ comes to mind. A challenge to climb Mount Rainier, the challenge could be the imenseness of our stadium — all those kinds of things.”

How about ‘the challenge of returning to relevance’?

As Fanblogs reports, Virginia Tech has closed its practices. Frank Beamer says you can blame Georgia for ruining all the fun.

“We practiced out at Georgia Tech and we let all kinds of people through there … people we didn’t really know,” Beamer said. “And I thought it hurt us in the bowl game. I’m not blaming anybody … but I thought Georgia knew exactly what we were doing in several situations.”

Which is a far cry from his own team, which — at various points during that bowl game — clearly had no idea what they were doing.

And here’s the latest in the story that has absolutely no bearing on anything, but will still get an inordinate amount of media attention this season: the trial of college football’s Tonya Harding, Mitch Cozad. The former Northern Colorado backup punter allegedly had his then-girlfriend, Angela Vogel, lie to police to help protect him.

Vogel said: “I did what Mitch told me to, (told officers) that we were together, and I didn’t say we went out for tacos.” Later, she said: “I went back to my dorm room and broke down. I was like, ‘Oh my God, what did I just do?”‘

She said she sought out police on her own to change her story and ran into detectives in the elevator on the way to meet with them. She said the decision to talk again was “kind of mutual.” “They were finding holes in my story, and I said ‘I’m coming clean,”‘ she said.

During cross-examination by defense attorney Joseph “Andy” Gavaldon, Vogel said she got scared when police accused her of being with Cozad on a crosstown trip to Mendoza’s apartment the night of the stabbing.

“They started treating you as a suspect,” Gavaldon said.

“Yes, they did,” she replied.

Prosecutors showed a series of text messages that they said Cozad sent Vogel on Sept. 12 and 13. They included:

– “We were not apart between 8 and 12.”

– “Please be strong for me did u say we got food?”

– “U can stop all of this.”

When the prosecutor asked Vogel if Cozad ever spoke to her about stabbing someone, she said he once asked her, “What would you think would hurt the most, getting hit by a car, getting beat by a baseball bat or getting stabbed?”

“I thought it was very strange,” she said.

So do we, Angela. So do we.

And now the story you’ve all been waiting for: the New York Times’ Ivy League preview. Based on the media straw poll, Yale is the favorite to win college football’s “keepin’ it real” conference. We admit a certain fondness for those Ivy League scores that scroll across the bottom of our screen every Saturday. It’s funny how 40,000 empty seats at the Yale Bowl seems quaint and charming, while 40,000 empty seats at the L.A. Coliseum was a constant source of rage and frustration.

Speaking of which, we wonder how Paul Hackett is doing these days. Oh, wait, no we don’t.

Twenty three days and counting…

The Ramblin’ Reck Club has a request:

Just don’t expect any pictures until it’s rebuilt. The Ramblin’ Reck Club, a group of 20 Tech students that cares for the car, won’t have that. They don’t care for the idea of “rabid rivals” — to use a label found on Tech message boards — using the photos deviously.

“That would be a valid concern,” said senior John Bird, who was elected to be the car’s driver. “Anything that disrespects the Ramblin’ Wreck would be against my job. It is my job to protect the physical car itself, and its traditions.

“We took a vote, and decided unanimously there wouldn’t be pictures of it wrecked. We might have some photos of reconstruction, but not of it wrecked.

I hate to break it to you, guys—and I’m certainly no “rabid rival”—but …