Happy Friday. Let’s get to the roundup.

Most of the major preseason polls have closed, and with 97% of precincts reporting, we can report that USC is getting a little bit of attention. They top both the College Football News poll and the USA Today coaches poll. That should be good news for Trojan fans, but America’s Newspaper puts it into perspective for us.

The last five preseason number one teams in the USA Today poll have made the BCS title game. But their combined record is 1-4, with USC winning in 2004.

In a related story, MSNBC’s Mike Celizic says Pete Carroll could the next Knute Rockne. Jeez, why does Carroll continue to fly under the radar? The sport’s best-kept secret, that guy.

Speaking of legendary coaches who should be mentioned in the same breath as Rockne, the still-fiery Joe Paterno says he has no plans to retire. And who can blame Joe Pa? He’s just discovered how much fun it can be to coach from the press box.

“You can see so much more, you can do things,” he told reporters, according to the Post-Gazette. “I tried not to interfere with the guys upstairs because they know what they’re doing. But, every once in awhile, I’d drop a little note to them and say, ‘Hope to get this,’ or ‘That corner’s playing awfully tight.’

“You’re really a cheerleader most of the time down on the sideline. … I enjoyed being upstairs, I really did. I sat down, had a nice time, had a cup of coffee. I felt like a newspaper guy. I was even able to watch television.”

If Joe Pa’s plan to have his players clean Beaver Stadium every Sunday didn’t have them shaking in their sweatervests in Columbus and angst-ridden in Ann Arbor, these latest comments no doubt strike fear in the hearts of the Big Eleven. The thought of Paterno sitting eight hundred feet from the field, having a nice time, drinking a cup of coffee, watching TV, means Penn State is nowhere near irrelevant.

The LSU Tigers have pulled off quite a coup, swiping an athletic beast from Indiana. I mean, this latest addition to the program is an absolute man-eater, a stone-cold killer. That’s right: a new Bengal tiger. The latest Mike the Tiger will arrive from an Indiana state facility called Great Cats. Les Miles would no doubt prefer a Southern tiger because everyone knows the Southern cats are much tougher, but he’s at least content with the fact that the new tiger isn’t coming from the wussy West Coast.

Texas DT Andre Jones is being sought by police for questioning in last week’s aggravated assault in Austin. Should have just settled things like a man: by throwing a water balloon.

In preparation for the Olympics, Beijing police are threatening to arrest fans who swear at a soccer match this weekend in the capitol.

“It is just way out of line to have 30,000 people shouting and swearing en masse,” police spokesman Liu Chunjiang was quoted as saying.

The spokesman is right: 30,000 people shouting and swearing is embarrassing. I mean, only 30,000? Those fans clearly have a lot to learn from the majesty that is 90,000 college football fans shouting and swearing en masse.

The Northern Colorado punter allegedly stabbed by his depth chart rival once considered sharing an apartment with his alleged attacker. That would be like Single White Female. Only with two dudes. And a football. And a shank. And a tiny program nobody has heard of.

With wide receiver Andrew Norman transferring from Arkansas, only one of the heralded ‘Springdale Four’ remains in Fayetteville. Despite this complete implosion of one of the most vaunted recruiting classes ever, we still say that the pressure-packed recruitment of 18-year-old kids upon whose shoulders universities’ profile and athletic revenues will ultimately reside, remains an exact science.

Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops says players’ last names will return to Sooners jerseys. Since Miami is now removing player names from their jerseys, when the Sooners and Canes meet on September 8 why don’t they just switch jerseys?

Alabama’s Tyrone Prothro has taken a medical scholarship, which sadly means his playing days are most likely finished. That’s the bad news. The good news is, Prothro will most likely retire knowing he made of the most ridiculous catches ever. It doesn’t beat an SEC title or a BCS ring, but it’s something. Something cool.

We’d like to thank the always entertaining Every Day Should Be Saturday for calling our attention to Mike Leach’s outstanding performance at Big 12 Media Day.

“It’s very savage to play in Lubbock,” Leach said. “I would recommend that everybody try to avoid it. There have been scalpings and there have been some people that quite just haven’t returned.

“There are some people, unfortunately, based on the way the conference goes, that are going to have to come to our place. Sadly, I can’t guarantee their safety or that things will necessarily go the way that they like.”

Why do we get the impression that that would be true in Lubbock even if they didn’t have a football team there?

We’ll end on a serious note. You can forget about USC trying to go wire-to-wire, or Darren McFadden trying to get that Heisman, or the Gators trying to repeat. The story of the season is life trying to return to normal in Blacksburg, Virginia. After one of the most trying offseasons in the history of the sport, the Virginia Tech Hokies returned to practice yesterday. Hokies QB Sean Glennon said it best:

“I think it’s a relief,” Glennon said. “We’ve been asked so many questions. There’s been so much media attention. ‘When are you going to get back out there?’ Now it’s good to have all these questions behind us. Just to be back out here and to be with my teammates. It feels good to be out here throwing the football around. I missed it.”

So did we, Sean.

27 days until kickoff…